You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Well, a pizza is edible object provided for human consumption, and a jew is a holy human being believing in the prophet abraham.

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What did the grizzly bears have for lunch? Fish and tourists.

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? Presents.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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PLEASE DONT READ THIS OR YOU'LL BE DIED IF YOU DONT THUMBS UP THIS LIKE POST THIS ON 20 MESSAGES OR YOU'RE BEST MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR LIFE WITHIN THE NEXT 7 DAYS

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Why did two girls need one cup? they didnt feel like washing an extra dish to drink their coca cola

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A guy walks into a bar. He has a couple beers, gets in his car and goes home. He got arrested on the way because it is illegal to drink and drive.

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what is the difference between a puppy and a baby... ...they are different animals

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His mother was a prostitute.

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What did Elmer Fudd say when Bugs Bunny got away again? "Oh, dat dawn wabbit, I'ww get it some day".

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An orthodox rabbi, a Methodist preacher and a Muslim Cleric walk into a bar and blow that month's tithings on video slots.

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Did you hear about the Mexican boy scout that helped that old lady cross the border.

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Click here to end the world.

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What didn't the man piss on the dead baby? Because that is just morally wrong. Instead, he reported it to the police and aided the cause of justice.

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What is brown and can't get an erection? Poo

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The one under this is a fake. i wrote the real one

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What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? "shit"

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What did the chicken say when it finally crossed the road? - nothing, its a chicken

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knock knock whos there? your mom really? well whats she wearing a refridgerator.

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Q: What do you call an Ethiopian on a food strike? A: An Ethiopian

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Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops