"Hey baby, how much?" "$2.99 each or 2 for $5.00, Steve." "Thanks Baby, I'll take 2."

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How do you drown a blonde? Weigh her down and throw her into a body of water.

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A horse walks into a bar. the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse does not reply because it is a horse. The horse walks out of the bar kicking over some chairs and scaring some people because he is a horse and horses do not belong in public atmospheres.

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Your friend says "Hi" What do you say back? You say "chunky salsa?" She said "what?" You think she knows you made out with her boyfriend last night. So... You blurt out " I'm SO sorry I made out with your boyfriend lastnight" Know.... Your dead meat.

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How do you prevent a baby from crawling all over the place? You nail his hands to the floor

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Dead.

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Life is like a bridge. You get walked on all your life until you fall apart.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah Witness

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What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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what did the left foot say to the right foot? Nothing, feet don't talk

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Why shouldnt you take the virginity of a 14 year old? Their pre-frontal lobe is not developed enough to sufficiently judge the affect of this action on their life.

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What do you get with you crossbreed a lamp with a chicken? Nothing... You can't crossbreed an inanimate object with a living being.

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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Ele PHa n T

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I need a sidecart on my motorcycle just for my diick

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Why did the Zombie kill and eat a man? Because it was hungry.

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You know how I know you're gay? Because you came out to your close family and friends, who were all very respectful and accepting.

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A: What did the Orange say to the Mango? B: Sup Hommie?! A: Wtf.... (awkwardly walks away)

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What's worse than the holocaust? The Jews.

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What's yellow and can't swim? A bulldozer

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An Asian woman is driving home from work and arrives in 30 minutes, which is strange because it normally does not take that long but she left during rush hour and the traffic was very bad at the time.

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Q. What do you call a child with no friends or family A. Adopted

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What do trees and people have in common? If you hit them enough times with an axe they will fall over.

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What do you call an old lady walking down the street? Widowed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops