- Anti Joke

My friend and I were telling jokes the other day. Ha said " I've run out of dead baby jokes!" to which I replied " I've run out of dead babies."

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names

What's better than 24-year-olds? Twenty 4-year-olds.

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How do you make someone laugh? Tell them this joke.

What did the black man do when he found a bucket full of KFC chicken on the ground? He promptly looked around for anyone who might have bought it. After searching around, with no takers, he ate some of the chicken and saved the rest. He brought it back to his apartment and left it in his fridge, so he may later eat it as leftovers.

Why is our country going downhill? Because going uphill is harder.

A man walks into a bar. and buys a drink.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field

Whats big, red and will cause severe injuries possibly fatalities if it falls out a tree? A phone box

Knock knock. Who's there? John. Oh, OK I'll be there in a sec. opens door Did you bring the blender and the baking tray? Oh no I forgot I'll run back and get them.

Two Irish men walk in to a bar. Or maybe it was three. It's actually quite a common occurrence here in Dublin.

Ask me if i'm a serial killer Are you a serial killer? Yes and I killed your family

what's better than winning the special olympics? -not being retarded

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

* Are you deaf? * Yes, as I love paradoxes.

What do you call an old man in his underwear with a bag of pepper on his back while licking pebbles off the sidewalk? Senile.

What did the black father get his child for Christmas? A Yo-Yo. Actually, never-mind, he doesn't know his father.

A homosexual walked into a bar. He orders a beer. When he holds out his credit card, the bartender says, "We do not accept credit." Upon hearing this, the homosexual reaches into his wallet and pulls out five dollars. Because it is legal tender, the bartender takes the money and gives the homosexual the change that is due. The homosexual proceeds to drink the beer. When he is finished, he walks out of the bar. Nobody is aware of his sexual orientation.

How did the blonde die drinking milk? She was severely lactose intolerant.

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark. Because he's a grown man, and most grown men aren't afraid of the dark.

A black guy, a jew, and an asian walk into a bar, have a beer each, and then leave, because they have high-paying jobs and don't want to risk getting DUIs.

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and Michael Jackson is dead....

A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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