What did the pear say to the apple? Fred, you delusions are getting worse and i'm getting a divorce.

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what do you call a black man on a killing spree? whatever his xbox live gamertag is. that would probably be most appropriate

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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If a llama walks into a jewelry store and a carrot has no feathers, then why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a car because chickens are simple creatures and don't understand the complex rules of the road.

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Why'd Mary fall off her bike? Because she was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Mary... O.o

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Q: What did Peter say after a long day of work when he got home? A: Nothing, in fact he has job, home, family, or anyone to help him. His leg is pinned down by a large piece of metal that fell on him while looking for food to eat at a construction site, expect him to die of bleeding in the next 24 hours.

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What do you call a guy with no legs and no arms? Mat.

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if life hands u melons, make melonade.

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Roses are blue Violets are red Is that really What I just said?

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telling real jokes on anti-joke is a form of anti jokes

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What do you call a black man doing his taxes? A well respected member of society

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Which does does the Mississippi River flow in? Liquid.

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your mom is so fat, she uses nutrisystem and other weight-loss systems to try to loose weight.

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what did the man say to his wife? I love you

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey.

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how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to hold the latter and one to put it in

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a man walks into a bar and quickly notices a young lady having a drink. He sits beside her and asks 'why the long face?' 'My mother was raped by a horse.'

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So the man goes to the doctor and the doctor tells the man " you will have to quit masturbating " So the man asks " why" And the doctor said " so I can examine you "

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Why do monkeys fly with their wings? Because Elephants tend to run out of battery.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Guy: Hey, you want to dance with me? Girl: Who me? Guy: Nooo that bench over there...

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Roses are red Grass is greener I think of you when I play with my weiner

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What's Kanye West's main goal in life? To dash the hopes and dreams of Taylor Swift on national television.

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An asian man, a black man, and a white man walk into a bar. All three of them order a scotch, coincidentally this is their favorite beverage.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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