A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Why did the bear eat the asian? It was hungry

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a tree house? Yeah..neither did she.

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Q: What did the poor man do when he saw a Ferrari? A: He realized that he would really enjoy having the money to buy such a nice vehicle, so he decided to take it upon himself to enroll in night classes. After many years of hard work, he earned a degree and a high-paying position at a large software corporation, and bought his dream car. He often told the story to his children as an example of what hard work and a goal in mind could achieve you. He lived a long, productive life and died fulfilled.

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Your moms so fat She should get some help because there's nothing good about being fat

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What did the blind man say when you asked hi his favorite color? Nothing he is death too

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What do you get when you cross a Chinese man with a dog? A happy Chinese man and a pile of dog bones.

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Why is my grandpa always so grumpy? Because he has diabetes and life is very difficult for him.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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What Mistake Do Ghosts make? None ghosts dont exist..

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Anal.

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Q- what's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? A- you take of your shoes to jump on a trampoline

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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Why did Emily sit in a lonely corner? Because she just wanted to okay!

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i found waldo.

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Jesus hates you this I know, because Buddha told me soo.

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A blonde, brunette, brown walk into a hair salon. They then proceed to each get they're own procedures done then leave not having any contact with each other.

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in china a dog was being cooked on the grill he was seasoned ans eaten by a black man

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whats fat, green and hairy? Nothing I would pleasure myself to.

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What did the judge say to the criminal? I sentence you to a life time of solitary confinement.

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Say this to someone: On a scale from one to ten, what is your favorite color?

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friends are like onions when you chop them up you cry but when you throw them out of a window, you dont

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Why didn't Susie do her reading homework? She is blind and her school system cannot Afford to teach her to read braille

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What happens when you play a country song backwards? Gibberish.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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