Hellen Keller walks into a bar. And a tree. And a lamp.

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You stink so bad that you should cleanse yourself via shower and/or bath.

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Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

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knock knock whos there? your neighbor, dude im sorry but i swear i didnt see your kid on my drive way.

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How do you end a sentence

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Why was Helen Keller depressed? She was deaf and blind.

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What the hell are you doing?

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

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Why isnt there any mexicans on star trek? Because even in the future they dont work.

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When life gives you lemons Unless it gives you sugar, water, and a cup your lemonade will suck

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What happens when you give a boy a cookie? He falls asleep and his parents think he was kidnapped by a serial killer.

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a turtle walks into a bar and eats everyone

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Is that my bread? I sure hope so.

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what did the girl get with her blueberry waffles? blue waffles.

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Whats worse than peeing blood? Dying.

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a drink, but in response the bartender politely points out that there are probably people in need of their assistance at their respective place of warship.

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What did the boy eat for breakfast? Food

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Q.Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? A. It had contracted a serious illness. He had killed it as an act of mercy.

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Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He prefers to bench press.

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Your mother is so fat, that if she had 8 clones of her, they would probably not be able to stand in the elevator together due to the maximum capacity, and safety hazard.

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A man was driving and texting at the same time and when he was not looking a car passed him on the other side of the road. The man driving the car that passed the man was talking on the phone. When the man txting looked up and look back and said thank god thats not me talking i could of crashed if i was him

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A Blonde, Brunnette, and red head are on the beach. They find a sand gene and are each granted a wish. The Brunnette wishes for a yot. The Red Head wishes to never again get sun burn. The Blonde wishes for more sun. The world is overtaken and insinerated by the sun. An alien spaceship finds the Red head in a space suit floating around randomly when they ask how she survived she says "I don't sun burn"

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A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. They both died of blood loss.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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