Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, Bushes are red, Oh shit, my garden is on fire

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A mormon walks into a bar. The Bartender says "What can I get you" The Mormon says "Sparkling Water please. In my religion we don't drink alcohol."

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What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

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your mums so fat! "last time i heard that i fell of my dinosaur!!" Oh man are you ok?

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whats purple and has legs? Nothing, i lied about both

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How do you get Vladamir Putin to smile? You tickle him.

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What happened when the turkey jumped out of the airplane? It fell.

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what do you call a man with one leg? whatever his name is.

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"This is the best of all possible anti-jokes," said Pangloss.

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How did the girl get rid of a fever? She took medicine.

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What starts with E and ends with lephant? Not giraffe

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What's worse than the holocaust? The holocaust was one of the most terrible incidents in history there are very few things worse than.

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whats worse that finding your having sex with your long lost sister? having sex with your long lost brother

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Justin's life

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Why is this website called anti-jokes? i don't know but it makes sense.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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Yo mama so fat because it's in her genes.

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You tell your mom she's a bitch and she later commits suicide by shooting herself in the head . Now, what's the only thing ductape can't fix? Your moms skull.

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If you give a mouse a cookie... ...youre ruining its natural diet. it might die.

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A mosquito flies into a bar and orders a bloody mary, the bartender then takes out a swatter and kills the pest. Noticing the event, the patrons cheer and continued drinking their frothy beverage. Minutes later, the phone rings and the bartender answers the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, I'm looking for a friend of mine, is he there?" "Let me check, by the way, what's his name?" "Jack Hoff" "One sec. HEY FELLAS(yelling over the noisy bar), IS THERE A JACK HOFF HERE? I NEED A JACK HOFF! ANYONE?" Mr. Hoff, sitting at the bar hears this and asks, "who is it?" "He said he's a friend of yours!" "Which one?" " He said his name's Dick Stroker and he needs help on something hardhe'll meet you around back." "Oh ok, thanks."

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a man walks into a bar he has a few drinks and announces to his friends that hes driving home, dave (one of his friends) tells him that its a bad idea and takes his keys off of him until the next day.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? A shocking example of the cruelty suffered by animals at hands of humanity.

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why did the shark bite the surf board? It thought it was turtle.

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? None, you don't have to be jewish to change a light bulb

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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