two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

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A local police officer pulls up to tell you something. Listen carefully: Three zebras have been spotted crossing the Mexican border. He goes into his truck, pulls out a can of marbles, peanut butter, seven velcro straps and a rhino horn covered in glitter. Your mission is simple: Kill the zebras using your equipment. You will be rewarded if you have enough peanut butter to make a sandwich after. Go now... Get it done.

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why do fat people eat so much? who cares

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-Knock knock. ~Use the doorbell. -Ding dong. ~The witch is dead!

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Knock knock Who's there? Derek the crazy man in the village and I have come to shoot you.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who let out the chicken?!?

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A man walks into a bar, looks to the right and sees a man one foot tall playing the piano, he sits at the bar and says to the bar tender,"I'm feeling kind of down" the bar tender gives him a bottle of very strong alcohol and later that night he goes home and hangs himself.

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When is a clown happy? At a child's birthday party.

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How do you stop a bus ? Put 3 small children in front of it Whats sad about 3 children who died in a bus crash ? They were my kids. How do you know if you're blind ? You run in to a wall

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What happened when the black man approached a dinosaur? Nothing, for dinosaurs were eradicated from the face of the earth 135 million years ago.

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Person 1: Ask me if i'm a tree. Person 2: Are you a tree? Person 1: No.

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What did Heinrich Himmler say to the chicken? I'll take that liver thanks.

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What's funnier than 1 dead baby? Anything

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Why did the car stop To buy drugs

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Why cant women drive? Actually, they can

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What did the clinically depressed man get for Christmas? He received many of splendid gifts and a joyous day with his family. He realized that his life isn't so bad after all, and went home with his head held high. He was then eaten by a vicious looking 7.

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What did the KKK member say to the african american man. Nothing, he just killed him.

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Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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What do you get when you mix a burrito and an earthworm? Diaherea

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What did your mom make me for Christmas... ...An apple pie because she is a very nice lady

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When life gives you lemons.............. take them free stuff is awesome.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One asks the other "Isn't it hot in here?" To which the other replies, "Holy ****, a talking muffin!"

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Why did the dog lick the boy's leg? Cause when the boy blew up his leg landed in the doghouse

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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