Why did the stranger sexually assault the woman? --Because he was a sexual predator..

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

(kid is eating a round fruit) friend: Get me an apple too. Kid: I wish I could The kids friend later realizes that his friend was actually eating a peach.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Your mom's so fat, I tried to rape her but couldn't find her p**** and gave up. Instead I decided to take her out to dinner. We enjoyed a lovely meal and I spent the rest of the night trimming her fat with a vegetable peeler while she screamed and bled all over the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Fine, just remember that I want to help you, but you cannot ask me for help, and then throw a shitstorm of accusations at me, I have never worked for the feds and never will, I know nothing about their code of operations nor... Anything really. Let me give you an advice, I know that at least two people you trusted deeply betrayed you, but if you are not going to trust anyone again, then leave point zero while you still can do so alive. And no babe, this is not a threat, its advice.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why was 13 afraid of 27 Because 51 had an extra penis

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the difference between a boodle and a scoodle? Ladoodle!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock Knock! Who's there? Adolf Hitler. Adolf Hitler, who? Be quiet and hand over your Jews!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the first one. Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's worse than a shotgoun to the balls? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man was running from drug dealers When they had him cornered he ran towards the sun and died

thumb_up thumb_down -13

whant to hear my best inpression of a hijacking ok kjgnkdgsjikdfhjnknkdfngknhfkfbnkf

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A mailman walks into a bar He delivers a bill for the electricity and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why didn't the man say, "Hello, Morgan Freeman!" when his friend walked by? Because his friend wasn't Morgan Freeman.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: If it takes a chicken a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, then how long would it take a monkey to kick the seeds off of a dill pickle. A: I don't know. That's a stupid question.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Im black

thumb_up thumb_down -13

what is more fun than shower time with adele. a mass gang bang with antonia

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the shed I'm gonna screw you

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Oh no my baby is dead. Ha.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Whats worse the people posting real jokes on (Anti Jokes)? 911

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Hey I'm You're mother..... Haha Jk you're adopted

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the woman fall off her bike?? Because someone threw a fridge at her!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How do you kill a blonde? Push her off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops