What did the woman get for her 18th birthday? Stabbed to death.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What can u see in the dark that u can't see in the light? Absolutely nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why couldn't Austin eat his noodles? He was a horse, and horses don't have hands, silly goose!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

SHE GOT A BIG BOOTY SO I CALL HER by her real name because she is a woman and worthy of my respect.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When A White Man Sees A Magic Trick - He Claps When A Black Man Sees A Magic Trick - He Does Handstands, Celebrations, And Shouts

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the chicken cross the road ? To achieve his goal on the other side of the road. Being a chicken he is not aware of the arm a fast traveling motor vehicle can bring to him.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A baby seal walks into a club. It was a tragedy.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You have Aids. April fools! you have super Aids.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Have you ever seen a dinosaur? No

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Three women are sitting in a bar. One is drinking beer, one is drinking wine and one is drinking vodka. Which one is the widow? The one whose husband is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did Michael Vick run? Because he was being chased by defenders.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How many dead babies does it take to fill a bathtub? 17.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Here is an opposite. Black Santa Claus.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's circular and round A circle

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why couldnt dylan make it to mike's birthday party? He was killed instantly in a car crash on the way there.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A man walks into a bar... "Ouch"

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock Knock, Who's There? The The Who? YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the hot blonde strip down? So she can take a shower

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why does Spongebob go to work? Because he's ready.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why do black people have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why was the black man tangled in chains at the bottom of the ocean? Because he was a highly skilled diver and environmentalist who tragically entangled himself and consequently died slowly and painfully of suffocation while trying to save a whale from eating waste metal.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin turns to the second muffin and says "OH MY GOD I CAN TALK!" the second muffin is so shaken in its beliefe system by a talking muffin that it commits suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops