- Anti Joke

What's the best thing about The Pixies? Their music.

Obamacare

"So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean's list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punch line."

Why did Tim sit on the chair? Because potato.

What do you say when a black person is walking through wal-mart? Prisoner

guess wat chicken butt guess why chicken thy guess who chicken poo guess how he chickened out

Roses are red, Violets are red, Grass is red. OH SHIT THE GARDENS ON FIRE!

What is the difference between a circle and a cylinder? dunno

A black man burned down my house. It was on minecraft you racist!

How do you know it's a bad day? When your brain does not release a high enough level of seratonin.

Why did a black person beat a white person in a race? The white person was hindered because a polar bear was biting their leg the entire time.

I wonder where the hell Hitler is

Why did the boy cry when he got circumcised? Because he couldn't fap.

Jimmy Saville

Harry Chappell raped someone

What did the tree say to the boy? Nothing. As i recall, trees are unable to speak and or show signs of emotion.

Obama

Did you hear about Osama Bin Laden? Well, he's dead.

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body in an accident? He bled to death.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone dropped a refrigerator on her. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

A women walks into a bar which is means she is pretty rich to be able to have a bar in her kitchen

Roses are red Violets are blue These are facts that many people know

Q: Why did the Unicorn cross the road? A: It didn't Unicorns are fictional creatures.

Knock, Knock. Come in!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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