Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?!?

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If I had a dollar for every time i got distracted, I want some ice cream

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What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Why did the fat man fall off the balcony? He didn't, I pushed him.

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A man walked into doctors and said, “Doctor help! My arms have stopped working” to which the receptionist replied, “I’m not the doctor and you need to make an appointment.”

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What's big, red, and eats rocks? A big, red, rock-eater.

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Roses are red, Stones are grey, This poem is obvious, You don't say??

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Why did the man die? He helped others before placing his own oxygen mask on?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like trains (:

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Why was the man sad? His intestines were imploding and his head was shot off seventeen seconds ago.

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what happened to Timmy when he fell off his bike? CANCER.

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What do Ethiopians do at night? Starve.

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Why did the old man get wet even though he was using an umbrella? Because it didn't save from falling off the bridge.

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Q. What's brown and circular? A. MEATBALLS!

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Q.) What did the young child of a highly idiosyncratic family do when he heard the fire-alarm going off unexpectedly in his house? A.) He started to panic since he hadn't received any portions of formal insturction in the art of, "Stop, drop and roll", prior to the moment of the lamentable catastrophe. I think that we should blame his parents/teachers immediately... *Sigh*

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"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

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What has two arms and two legs? A human being.

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oh my god! what? i heard this joke the other day and it was hilarious. ok, tell me? actually it doesn't matter i can't remember anyway.

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? I'm not crying. Oh.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side which would be a incontrovertible (obvious) decision.

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why did the chicken cross the road? I don't care! What are you doing in my house?

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What is my name? I dont know

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A man walks into a bar and poops his pants. He left because of the embarrassment.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops