Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Who's Italian and plays with a peach? Mario

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Chuck Norris once walked into a strip club, and had quite a nice time indeed!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you call a bear with socks on A bear with socks on

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why are kenyans so fast? Because due to evolutionary changes, people from that area of the world have evolved to have superior muscle builds to sprint, hence giving them a natural advantage against an equally trained athlete form another part of the world with an equal skill level

thumb_up thumb_down +3

New Name for Jersey Shore: American Whorer Story

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why can't you give a diabetic a cookie? Due to the lack of Insulin produced in the Pancreas, the sudden spike of sugar into the blood stream may send the person into a diabetic coma, which good possibly result in the amputation of a limb.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the blind man say to the train conductor? Nothing. He was mute too.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why was 6 afraid of 7? Becuase 7 watched his friend die. He slowly went into a depression so deep he went on a murderous rampage.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the blonde girl stupid? She had suffered sever brain damage the previous month and was still recovering.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q. Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? A. Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock Whos there? It's me Ben. You just told me to come over. We are going jogging aren' we? Oh ya, sorry. I forgot the time. Is it cold out? Ya, it is pretty cold. You should bring a jacket. Ok, let me go get my jacket. Alright, can u grab me a water please? Ya sure. Thankyou.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There are two cowboys in the kitchen. One says to the other, "I feel at 'home on the range.'" To which the other replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he realizes he's not pursuing what he truly loves.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are Red Violets are dog I'm Senile Flower tastes like frog.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

There was this cat, and he was walking down this long road, knowing a dog lived on 45 lake avenue. So the cat was very careful while walking by that house so the dog and his diqqas wouldnt chase the cat, named pat. So like a rogue in the arathi basen lodge, he made his way over the stone wall and ran as quickly as he could through the muddy path of dirt. This cat was also swagged out of control, so he had mad bitches. That is where Pat was heading....... to his mad bitches. He had never met these bitches, but bought them offline on a p0rn website that said he would become the man if he purchased the mad hot bitches. When he found the bitches, he shit himself. The bitches were female dogz. if you read this whole paragraph, a fraction of your soul has been ripped out of you. UMAD? ˜´??

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's black and hangs from a tree? A bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happened to the man who killed his family? Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He looks it up first to make sure he's got it right before dialing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

your mama so fat she should go see a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How many chinese women can you fit in a car? About the same amount as men.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

SCENES WHEN TOM O'SHEA GETS STABBED IN PRISON AFTER STEALING THE WHEELS OFF AN AMBULANCE

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I like big butts and I cannot lie. You don't know that. I may enjoy skinny butts. I may be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is the difference between ashes and a jew? A lot

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops