what can keep u alive for many years- -not being shot

What smells like bananas but is invisible? Monkey farts

What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

How do you keep a dummy in suspense for 24 hours? Tell him his wife suffered from a severe concussion and that he'll have to wait until morning to see if she's okay

What scares little children and befriends their parents? A clown

why were the negros at whitney houstons funeral smiling? because there were free sandwiches!

KONY 2012! *world rises up cheering in spontaneous patriotism for Africa* Leader of KONY 2012 arrested for public masturbation

Yo momma so stupid, she had you.

Man goes to the doctors, says doctor, im depressed. ive tried everything but i just cant see the bright side of life anymore, it seems empty to me, like theres no point in existing. The doctor certifies the man as clinically depressed and alerts the relevant authorities.

How do you stop a black person from drowning?.. Take your foot off his head

What do you call a man with no eyes? A hero for going to war and surviving being tortured by the Vietnamese.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They beat her mercilessly.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a pack of wolverines and decided the best idea was to run away, and this decision just happened to involve him crossing a road.

How do you kill a jew? Same way you would anyone

What's black and white and red all over? A dead Zebra

Why did octopus cross the road? Because the road was underwater

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? dead parents.

L.A Clippers 2000-2012 season!!!!

Q: Why didn't Little Jhonny go to school today? A: There was no school today.

Why dont you greet your friend Jack on a plane? because you will say "hi Jack"

If I was in a room with hitler Osama bin laden and Justin bieber and a gun with 2 bullets. I would shoot Justin bieber twice

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

How did the hairless cat braid its hair? It didn't, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs.

So a Jew is walking on the street and he sees a penny, and he decides to pick it up because ever since the fire that killed his family and burned his house down he has been living on the street and he needs all the help he can get.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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