If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

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q.how do u kill a jew? a.you glue a penny to the bottom of a pool

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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Whats hard and long and used to penetrate women? A hypodermic needle.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Hitler, time to shower!

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a giraffe? A really f*cked up hybrid.

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Q: What is brown and sticky and often found in the grass? A: A stick.

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What happened to the pleasure robot he pleasured someone in the pussy

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knock knock come in

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What make's a constuction worker drop's his hammer? MC Hammer moves.

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How did the frog fly? It drank a magic potion. How did the snake fly? It ate the frog How the the eagle fly? It already can.

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Fenestrade De Riguerto sat aloft his might horse Bentereuse and called for his brigadiers. At home his wife was opening a package. 2 minutes later a sound could be heard reverberating across the countryside. It was the invasion fleet from Denarus V wiping out humanity

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Why does everybody look at the foreign boy strangely? Because he was ugly

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Confucius says, I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

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roses are red, no one gives a shit, get back in the kitchen and bring me my chicken dips!

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Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

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A horse walks into a bar. The horse says "why the short face?"

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

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Just the other day there was a house, and unforunatly Bob was a burn victim, the doctors said that he would have had a slow and excruciatingly painful death... Luckily he was already dead!

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Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

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What do you call an amazing person Good

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What did the man say before he died? I am going to die.

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"Roll back into the kitchen and imagine me a sandwich!" yelled the abusive husband to his paraplegic wife.

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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