What is long, hard, and full of seamen? a school bus, if you consider children to be seamen

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A Finnish guy and a Russian guy go into a sauna. The Russian died.

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what is funnier than one dead baby in a dumpster? There is nothing funny about the homicide of a minor, and the murder should be immediately investigated.

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Why did the blonde go to law school? She was sick of people assuming that she was not an intelligent woman due to negative sterotypes about her gender and hair color and set out to prove said people wrong.

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Roses are red violets are blue next thing you know my D*** is in you

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why did the blonde put on a coat? because she was cold.

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Why did the hamster cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Who me? Couldn't be.

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What stinks of shit and has money. Smelly Mc Dee I lied about the money.

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So theres a Black guy, White guy and Mexican guy all sitting at a bar. They were friends.

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What did the Albino say to the other albino? Due to heredity and our inheritance of Chromosomes causing albinism, We could be displaced in society but luckily, we have eachother. They went home and lived happily. But not ever after. That craps or normal people. (freaking albinos...)

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What did the elephant say to the pelican? He didn't say anything. I lied.

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Henry VIII: I need another wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thomas Wolsey: All right then. How about my nan? Henry VII: I'm dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :~D

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I took your mother out for a classy steak dinner. I decided not to call her agian because we weren't very compatible and the conversation was very superficial.

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What's the difference between a black man and a white man? The black man eats chicken.

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why did the chicken cross the road? well... to get to the other side.

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What's clear and looks like water? Water.

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How does it change many dyslexics take to a lightbulb.

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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Why did the little boy fall over. Because someone shot him in the face.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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Lady: I think you guys would be very happy here. Chandler: No no no no no no! No, we're not together. We're not a couple, definitely not a couple! Joey: You seem pretty insulted by that. What? I'm not good enough for you? Chandler: We're not going to have this conversation AGAIN!

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A woman who owns a parrot leaves her home, forgetting that a plumber is scheduled to come fix her sink. A few minutes after she leaves, the plumber arrives and knocks on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waits for a minute and, seeing that nobody has come to the door, knocks again. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replies, a little more loudly, "It's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink!" The plumber waits for a minute and bangs hard on the door. The parrot calls out "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screams, "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIINK!!!" Just then, the plumber clutches his chest and falls dead to the ground. When the woman returns home, she sees the dead man in front of her door. She opens her door to go to her phone and asks the parrot, "who is it?" The parrot replies, "WHO IS IT?"

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Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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