Q:Why did the Grape divorce the Prune? A:Because he was tired of Rasin kids! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's worse than hitting your funny bone? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why couldn't the blond get into the library? Because the library was closed therefore the door was locked.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How come Tommy isn't allowed to sing anymore? Because he has a punctured artery, collapsed lung, fractured ribcage, and a failed organ...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man walks into a store. He purchases what he was intending to, walks out, and gets on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man are all on a plane in-flight when the pilot screams over the intercom, "We are two pounds over weight! The plane is going down unless you all throw off useless things that have no value in your countries!" The Chinese man throws out a pair of chopsticks and an egg roll and says, "I have too many of those in my country." The Mexican does the same with a taco and sombrero, repeating, "I have too many of those in my country." The American looks around his items pondering what things are too common in the USA. He locks his eyes on the Mexican. The other passengers are shocked as the American throws off a hamburger and a football.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why didnt the boy finish the race? Becuase he stepped on a land mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Three blind mice go into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the chicken commit suicide? Because the numerous failed attempts of crossing over the years deemed it almost impossible, therefore, chicken could no longer see the point in life.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

If Michelle rides her bike at 15 mph for 20 minutes and Erik rides his bike at 20 mph for 12 minutes, why is Michelle not in the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you call a man with no arms in the middle of the ocean? Mike.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

This Irishman walked into a pub and then drank hard liquor for the next 3 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Instructions to make origami. 1.) Staple bagels to face 2.) Ask someone else to do it. 3.) Hang yourself because you are too stupid to figure it out yourself

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you sink a Polish submarine? Hit it with a torpedo.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

did you see stevie wonder's new guitar no neither did he

thumb_up thumb_down -9

There are 2 cannibals eating a guy well one starts at the head and the other one starts at the feet the one at the head says to the other on how you doing down there and he said ohhh having a ball you!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Q: Knock - Knock A: NO SOLICITORS!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How did the Mexican got into the USA? Trough the border.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops