What is long, hard, and full of seamen? a school bus, if you consider children to be seamen

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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A priest and a rabbi attempt to take a whale to a bar. But due to the enormous size and the need for water, the whale couldnt come.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The first line is spelled wrong, Ha, I tricked you

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How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the fridge door and place the elephant inside. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the fridge door, remove the elephant, and place the giraffe inside. There is a party at the zoo. All of the zoo animals attend, except one. Which one? The giraffe, because he is in the fridge.

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Well none today because today is Saturday... maybe tomorrow

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him and got better.

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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Why was the little girl crying in the woods at night? There was psychotic killer chasing her with a chainsaw.

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How many sheets did the Asian want on his bed? "You sheet on my bed I kill you!"

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What did the man with candy say to the little boy? I have Candy.

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They usually say "fuck" the police! But no one wants to fuck the police...

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what would you get if you combined a sixth grader with a machine gun? A homophobe

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are on a plane to France. When they arrive in Paris one will go visit a friend who recently found inspiration in the many magical streets of the city and is in the middle of a year abroad. Another will search for a job and home to support himself and any future family that he might choose to have in the future. The last will check into a hotel and proceed to have a wonderful time seeing all the sights that Paris has to offer.

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What do gamers call an abortion on quintuplets? PENTAKILL!!!

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What did the wizard say to the man? Wizards aren't real. Thus not able to speak.

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A man walked into a bar. He needed 5 stitches.

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If it's mid-july and there are flying cows everywhere, how many bacons does it take to impregnate a spaghetti ? 3, because because vases can't swim in the dark.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye-patch? Names.

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Dad, why do people say mom is a nympho? No idea son, try asking one of your other dads.

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"George? I wanna tend da wabbits, George" - Lennie Smalls

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was playing tic-tac-toe with a friend.

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What did the sad man say to the happy man? He didn't say anything he was so sad he killed himself.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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