What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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My life has been getting worse and worse since I developed cancer.

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Who looks like Justin bieber, and is really cool? Justin Bieber, but I lied about him being cool.

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Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by two giant black scorpions.

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Q. What's yellow and looks like a duck? A. a baby duck

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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What's sadder than a lost puppy? A dead puppy.

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Why did the girl fall off of the swings? Because I threw a refrigerator at her.

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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your in court a woman police officer says anything you say can and will be held against you. the man replies titty

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Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

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If a canoe is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, howmany pancakes does it take to cover the roof of my house? False, snakes don't have armpits!

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why did the hobo want cancer so badly? he really needed a haircut

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your mom. Just kidding, it's the pizza guy. Pizza guy who?

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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Q: If you are debating whether to smoke marijuana, consider: what will your mother say when she finds your corpse? A: As a relatively harmless and non-addictive substance, Marijuana was most likely not the cause of my child’s death. It was probably AIDS.

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What happens when you cut a body in half? An erection.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Billy Sup Billy, come on in!

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Two guys walk into a bar. They are knocked out and rushe to hospital because the bar was metal.

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Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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