How do I become successful like you dad? Just do good.

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Why did the man cry himself to sleep at night? Because the doctors gave him 3 months to live.

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Pretend you are in a box and there is no way out. How do you get out? You don't

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What did the hand say to the face? Nothing because body parts cannot speak.

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Why did the cook throw up at McDonalds? Because his pay check was made out to the Ronald McDonald Foundation.

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Q: What did the police officer tell the man without a shirt on? A: Put a shirt on.

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Why did the lion get lost? Because the jungle is massive

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What do you call a dog? A cat. What do you call a cat? A banana.

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Why shouldn't you ask Lebron James for change for a dollar? Because in the year 2013 Lebron will tear his ACL and will never able to play the game again. He then won't be able to land a job because he never finished college. After being unable to land a job, he then develops an expensive crack edition. His house gets foreclosed, and he becomes broke. And then does not even have four quarters to his name.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? That is none of your concern as it invades his freedom of privacy.

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What's as hard as a rock? A rock

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What happened to the kids bike? It broke when he got hit by a bus

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how do you make a quiet person talk? you water-board them

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What did the man screem before he crashed his car? i dont know, he died.

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Jimmy's mom: Jimmy go do your chores now!! Jimmy: You shut your mouth, whore. Get your smelly ass back in the kitchen!!!

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how do you know if a fish is gay? you ask it

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An old friend of mine had an idea. "Socks, but for your hands." I laughed until the day I heard he died of chaffed penis.

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I don't know about the rest of you, but I HATE funerals.

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Q. What's the difference between a clock and an elephant? A. A clock doesn't have limbs, muscles or a respiratory system.

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Ask me if I'm a tree "are you a tree?" No

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Why didn't the 1 month old chicken cross the road? Because by that time it's already a Mcnugget.

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1 little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and hit his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said, "Your son died of a concussion."

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How did the Jewish man play racquetball? With a racket and a birdie.

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Whats included in over 90% of all car crashes? A Car

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops