Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what its name is.

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What do you do when you see a hot girl in your bed

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When life gives you melons you may be dyslexic.

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what does pedobear get for christmas ? nothing he's the one giving love to all kids .

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Man U

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I'm going to rewrite history. History.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? You apparently are not a fan of lemons what so ever, so you then throw them away, not knowing what to expect.

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Two scientists are working in a lab. The first one asks, "Do you want some sodium?" The second one pours acid into the first one's eyes.

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A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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whats long, fat, and people love it in their mouth? blunts.

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? You provide him with a ladder of varying length depending on his height in the tree and hold the ladder to ensure that it is stable and safe while he is climbing down. If he his very high in the tree then it may be helpful to call the fire department for assistance in getting him down.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? What ever you want, its still not going to come.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, Who had an average-sized penis he only used during monogamous sex with his spouse.

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Q: Why does Billy get bullied at school? A: Because he has Down's Syndrome

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two kids see a girl naked in the woods They walk away promptly to their homes and tell their mothers.

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Allah walked into AK Bar

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What did the snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?

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Stripper went to strip club to ask for work. - It was closed

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why is the spine-tailed swift the fastest bird? because its faster than the second fastest bird.

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What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing, fruit can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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