What is the difference between a baleen whale and a black guy? One speaks and one says EEEEEEERRRROOOOOWWOWOWOWOOWRR!

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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What is red and cry's? A baby chewing on a razor blade

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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why did jenny drop her ice cream? she got hit by a bus. knock knock who's there? not jenny.

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What's 1+1? 69.

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Lindsay Lohan

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There was a blonde driving a car but she was late to a meeting so she started speeding but then a police officer pulls her over. The officer asked the blonde "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which the blonde responded "Yes, I am late to a meeting" so the police gives a ticket for speeding and she ends up going late to her meeting.

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Interviewer: Are you currently a smoker? Applicant: Are you implying that I look like a chimney?

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What did the homosexual community have last night? A protest for gay rights.

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Tod:Hey Rick wanna hear a joke?Rick:No.

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How high is the grass in Germany? Approximately the same height as the grass in America.

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Q: how do you get a clown off a swing? A: You hit it with a axe

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What's more disturbing than finding an apple in your worm? The fact that you're eating a worm.

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A frog jumped on the lilly pad, it sank and drown and all of the tadpoles didn't have a mother and inevitably died

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What's long, black, and the tip is shaped like a mushroom? A mushroom.

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Why do asians get good grades? Because they study very hard and want to achieve success so they can provide for their families.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

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This Irishman walked into a pub and then drank hard liquor for the next 3 hours.

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An Asian, a redneck, an Irish, and an Iranian walk into a bar. All but the Iranian were asked to go back to the parking lot and park their car to take up only one space.

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Did you hear about that anthony weiner guy. He is very depressed, and your mother has cancer.

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How do you have gay sex? I don't know ask Jordan Braun

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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