so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane act

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Knock knock! Go away. I'm busy masturbating, and it would be extremely awkward if you were to entire my residence at this time. Please return at a later hour.

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Feel free to call me, forget the money, as for my fucking eye, I just sure as hell hope those responsible are rotting in prison. I mean I just lost an eye right? Just kidding, I am the one who has been dead wrong here, I judged you wrong, I am the fuck that seems to feel responsible for the actions of others at times, then again I thought that you where sending them against me, they surely claimed they where, but fuck, people use all sorts of things and people as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want.

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 actually because, despite the potentially graphic nature of the previews, the creators scaled down mature content so that it could reach a wider audience.

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Q: How many hair styles do celebreties induce annualy? A: I have no clue but I'm pretty sure that's a midget defacing your house!

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what do you get when you cross a giraffe and an octopus an abomination

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Tell me who you are, who you are working for, I wont tell anybody, and I will have someone to hack this site on the hour and remove these comments, please.

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A man walks into a bar. He tricks a lady into smelling a rag doused with chlorophoam, and rapes her.

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all entered their designated classrooms to begin AP testing. They all worked extraordinarily hard to earn a passing grade and receive college credit. The brunette and the redhead received passing, yet average, grades. The blond also received a score that reflected the amount of effort she put into studying and memorizing the material, because there is no correlation between hair color and intelligence.

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Why does the chicken cross the road? 4

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Call me Ishmael. Or don't. Well, you can, but I'm not forcing you. You could call me Steve or Bob, it's not really that important. I'm just around here anyway to tell about a huge white dick. A whale dick. A SPERM whale dick. Never mind. Or the guy whose obsessed with it. No, it's not what it sounds like. He just wants to stab it with his harpoon. Wait, that sounds even worse. Whatever. Anyway, call me Ishmael...

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Why did the crocodile cross the road? It is actually highly improbable that such a large reptile would be in a residential area where such roads would exist.

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What do Michael Jackson and a T-Rex have in common? They're both dead.

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What do you call a bunch of black people buried up to their hair? Afro turf

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What did the jerk say to the Mexican? You are a Mexican

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Why don't you hit a black guy riding a bike? Because that is dangerous and he could get hurt.

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Why did Jenny cry? Because everyday Jenny is bullied. Jenny cried for this reason, but nothing happened. The bully still bullies her today.

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Could not care less if he is jealous, too busy living it up, anyways thanks for notifying me, and guys, I know I could call up the office and tell you all that you wont get paid if you remain reading my comments, I might not be leading by example today, but I suggest you get back to work, as for the case whose name we do not reveal here, my part is done, yes I know, you can find it under cabinet C in my office, the thick file with the color pictures (the only one with color pictures) And that is why I am taking a break, now please get back to work, as I said I could just call down at every damn office room, but that would be unfair for those that are not on horsecrap network. Thanks people, keep the flag flying. Nero your overlord Fuck formalities, im not at work today.

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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Why didn't the octopus have any friends? Because they are antisocial creatures by nature. -Louis

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Knock-Knock Whos there? You You who? Yoohoo! is anybody home?!! Well obviously or i wouldn't have talked to you. Idiots these days!

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What do Ping-Pong and Godzilla have in common? Both of them have nothing to do with budhism.

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Yo momma stank so bad, she might have a serious vaginal infection. You should take her to the hospital.

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Going up to someone and saying, "my mom is dead and my dad tryd killing himself, can i have a ride home?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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