a duck was clearing out his apartment when he came across a rat. the rat turned into a genie. 'i will grant you 3 wishes' said the genie. 'whats the catch?' replied the duck 'can i touch your dinkle?'

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Linda: See that rainbow? Isn't it beautiful? Bart: I'm color blind.... Linda: Well...this is awkward...

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A Frenchman an Italian and an American were setting in a bar drinking and talking. The Frenchman said he made love to his wife five times last night. She said if I died she would never get married again. The Italian said said he made love to his wife ten times last night and that she said if he ever died she would kill her self. They asked the American how many times he made love to his wife last night. He said I'm a widower. She died in the 9/11 attacks.

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What did one cat say to the other cat? Nothing.

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Have you heard the one about the fat woman and the dead baby? The woman was actually pregnant, not fat, and just had a miscarriage.

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Why did the black man take the watermelon? Because he bought it, and watermelons are delicious.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen.

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Why did little Suzan fall of the swing? She has no arms. Knock,Knock Who's there? Not Suzan

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What happens when a unicorn gets her period? You know it's a girl.

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how do you punish hellen keller? you can't she's dead

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Why doesn't God like pizza? Because he doesn't exist.

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Why did Batman brush his teeth? So he wouldn't get bat breath

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What happened when Suzy fell off the swing? She hurt herself.

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Why didnt the cannibal like the taste of the comedian? because the comedian smelled very bad and the cannibal forgot to add salt.

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Why did you not just "put a spell" on her instead? And you are totally mean, ever actually killed someone?

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Why was billy bad at telling jokes? Billy was sexually abused as a child and humour was never really part of his life

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting stabbed.

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How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2. One to firmly hold the ladder and the other to cautiously screw it in. They are volunteering at the local orphanage and it is wrong to make fun of there religion. We are all different in our own special way.

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A black man accidentally walks into a white man. They apologize to each other and carry on with the rest of their day.

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my friend got in a car wreck,he lost his left arm and left leg. how is he now? Hes all right.

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What did one dinosaur say to the other? Nothing and if you think dinosaurs talk you might need to be diagnosed for having Schizophrenia. Invega is a subtle treatment.

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas? A Pogo Stick

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What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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