Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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Diana- hey i havnt seen you all summer. Whaaat did you do over the summer? Paul- contract HIV Diana- ...oh ...

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Knock knock It's open, come in

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don't do anything i wouldn't do first

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What did the Goldfish say to the Black man? Nothing, because Goldfish do not have human-like vocal cords and therefore the Goldfish cannot speak.

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Cole likes to trim jaycie's butt pubes

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what did the monitor say to the boy? Im a Monitor

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How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and two scoops of dead baby.

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What smells like bananas but is invisible? Monkey farts

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Mickey Mouse peed on a house what color was it? It wasn't a color, or any pee for that matter. Mickey Mouse is a fictional character for children's amusement.

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Yar! What be a pirate's favorite football team? The Steelers. I'm originally from Pittsburgh.

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How many elbows does a Jew have? 2

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looking for food for it was starving to death.

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What is big, green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell on you? A pool table.

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? A big red rock eater,

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Q:Whats yellow and white and sits at the bottom of a pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties Q:Whats red and gory and sits at the top of a pool? A: Floaties with a slahed baby

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What did the purple dragon say to the unicorn? He doesn't say anything to the unicorn because dragons and unicorns don't exist. Even if they did exist, dragons and unicorns can't talk, unless we're talking about cartoons. Also, even if it was a cartoon or whatever, do you really think a purple dragon has ANYTHING to say to a unicorn?! Of course not! Oh look at me I'm a cool talking dragon, I have something so important to say to this unicorn. Gimme a break...

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A mother and her child run into the store... The mother opens the door, so the child does not run into the store again.

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Why does the cow eat grass? A: Because it's green. (Cows are colorblind)

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you know why they're called ear wigs, right? cause they go in your ears! then they wig out? no, they kill you.

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What did the amputee get for chritmas? A bicycle

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a pack of wolverines and decided the best idea was to run away, and this decision just happened to involve him crossing a road.

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what did the mexican do yesterday? bang your mom

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops