A man walks into a bar after a hard day of work, and he meets this girl and they really kick it off, so the girl says, "lets go somewhere more, private" and they both go to a more secluded bar that has less decibels of noise.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar. Three hours later, ambulances arrived, because the man was knocked out. The man who saved was known as a hero, and was awarded a medal for his good deed.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Two dinosaurs go to a theme park. On the way home they contemplate that they didn't really enjoy themselves. They decide to buy some ice cream to cheer them up a bit. They are severely frustrated by the lack of fun they had for the money they paid. Then they go to sleep. I completely forgot how this joke went, but your mom's a slut.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the koala fall of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the other koala fall off the tree? It was stapled to the first koala.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There is a famous joke, "What's black and white and re(a)d all over? A newspaper!" However, this is not featured on this website. Why? Because this is anti-joke.com, not joke.com - you moron

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the boy cut his hair? Because he was large.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why is this the worst joke ever? Because it isn't even funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A bartender walks into a bar. I know what you're thinking. You think he works there but that is not correct. He works at a different bar. Anyways, he buys a few drinks and leaves. He was impressed with the service.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Shakespeare walks into a bar, Having just seen someone that has been dead for over 400 years, the young man in the corner quits his drug addiction; it was clearly messing with his brain.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

how many jews fit in an oven? none, its illegal to put a person in an oven....

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastard.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

how do you confuse a brunette? paint yourself red and throw a fridge at her

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Oh my God! A talking dog!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Your mom is soo black , she can go naked to a funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What Batman said to Robin before they got in the car? -Get in the car Robin!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the southern uncle say to his nephew when he woke up? Good morning, son.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

whats not funny and has access to a computer and reasonable internet? Me

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man shaves at least 3 times a week, yet he has the longest beard in town, how is that possible? He shaves his head because he's embarrassed about his rampant and patchy balding.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops