How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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What's long, hard, and in my pants? The SAT's... I lied about it being in my pants.

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Q: what do you call the green and the (stone eater) animal? A:the green and the (stone eater) animal

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Your mothers so ugly that when memory sees her it says " Damn-it I hate my job!

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"Free to play" Play free "right now" "Free forever"

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Why was little Timmy mauled by a bear? He poked it with a pointy stick.

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What's green and if you eat it you die? A Biljarts table.

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What is the sound of one hand clapping? I don't know you have a hand try it yourself lazy prick.

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whats the difference between kroush and a bucket of shit? the bucket

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Chuck Norris.

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Have you ever watched that show on Lifetime about that woman?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

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What's the difference between epistemological pluralism.

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A guy says to a palm reader "You look like you've seen a ghost. Palm reader replies "You've got cum on your hand."

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Why did grandma drop the dish? She had a heart attack and died, falling to the ground and thus bringing the plate with her to the floor.

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What's special about an Irish Parachute ? It's made in Ireland.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's dog? Neither has anyone else, because it ran away yesterday, and was most likely hit by a car.

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You know why one side of the "v" formation of a flock of geese is longer don't you? Cause it has more geese in it.

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What did the fork say to the spoon? To get to the other side.

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What's worse than having a retarded baby? Not having a baby

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How many babies could a cannibal eat? 132/267 of a baby

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Why couldn't the turtle swim? Because he went too close to an oil spill, the petroleum got into his mouth and coated his lungs and he is now dead.

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Why couldn't the blonde count to 70? because 69 was a mouth full:)

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Q: Why was little Timmy afraid of clowns? A: The one at his birthday party killed his parents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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