My house is on fire I'll probably die posting this joke

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What did George Washington say to Genghis Khan? Nothing they are both dead.

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Whats the best part about having sex with 25 year olds? There 20 of them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No reason.

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Knock knock Who's there? Overused punchline Overused punchline who? The Holocaust.

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A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

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Black, I dont know if you are kidding around or something, but I cant reach you on the phone pal, I am really sorry about the Valium, it was like only 10 milligrams pal, I mean please man, it was a joke, and Ill break up with Line anyways, I mean Alex and Petter are sorry too okay? Just take the phone, ill be there soon, I mean come on, you are the most cruel person I know, lets talk about it

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What's the hardest part of the pizza to eat? The motorbike.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says: "I forgot to store nuts for winter, now i am dead."

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Your uncle jack just helped you off a horse. Now it's your turn to help your uncle jack off a horse.

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What did the fish say after it's head was cut off? Nothing, it was a fish.

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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Betty wanted to see time fly so she threw her alarm clock out the window. Shortly after, her mother grounded her as it was quite expensive and she had become less punctual without it.

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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So a black guy goes to college and doesn't steal anything or rape anyone. He has a 4.0 GPA and is one of the smartest students at Harvard University.

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

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Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

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What did Anne Frank say to the German Officer? Nothing. She had to keep quiet in a cramp attic in order to survive.

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Your mamas so fat, she was self-conscious about her weight and became an antisocial vegetable.

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Really sorry Red, I did not mean to leave you hanging, and I hope you wont leave me hanging either, I just need my meds or thinks can get ugly, my health, I can tell you and even show you what my condition is, and heck show you my meds, but there are certain things even I wont spread on horsehead network, you know, people are so bitchy here on the internet, and if people knew what I got, yeaaah, I may start getting green thumbs, and I HAAAAAAATE those. Seriously, on a scale of zero (my ass) to ten, how insane do you see me as?

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What do you call a zebra with no stripes? A zebra with no stripes

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What do you call a black man with a guitar? His name

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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