What`s that CREAM that comes out of you when your mom puts a WHIP on you with a switch? WHIP CREAM!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do a priest, a rabbi, and an asian have in common? They all don't know each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why didn't the chef serve the black guy his food? Because he wasn't a waitor.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States? A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as the president.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why is bobsledding the coolest sport? Because this is my subjective opinion.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you get when you cross a baby and a chainsaw? Life imprisonment.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is worse than banging your knee on the coffee table? Tripping over one of the legs and smacking your head on the floor, causing a severe concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats better then a pile of dead babies? 2 piles of dead babies

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's funny about cheese? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A fat black guy walks into a pet store and asks if he can have a chicken. The cashier says "what do you want a chicken for?" He says " I need to lose weight so I'm hoping to eat its all natural eggs" So the cashier gives him the chicken and the fat black guy lost 50 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Life is confusing. Really how so? He just walked up to me five minutes ago with a pair of socks taped on both sides of his face saying humanity is screwed and ran off after peeing on my carpet.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a person who is deaf. It doesn't matter, they wont be able to hear it when you call them.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why'd the plane crash? Because the pilot was an orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do Mexicans like their eggs? It's a matter of personal opinion, of course.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Refridgerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why didn't the mexican make the basketball team? He had never practiced and was overweight

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Gay rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why couldn't the black man get a job? Because he was a violent sociopath with a criminal record.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Poems are great but sometimes they don't make refridgerater

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops