Why was the dog barking? Because I lit him on fire.

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Why did the baby die? Because I refused to feed it.

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how many babies can fit into a microwave i dont know i havent tried

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Why were my arms so tired after I flew in from the coast? Because the stewardess, god rest her soul, failed to latch the door securely.

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Do you know what the worst part about inbreeding is? - It's runs in the family!

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A good way to remember which one is Beavis and which one is Butthead is to remember the acronym "Baby Blues." B in baby stands for Beavis, and b in blues stands for Butthead. You're welcome.

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What did the mom tell her son who she caught masticating loudly? "Do it with your mouth closed!"

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woman's rights

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You're so sweet I have diabetes

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What do Alzheimer patients think of the internet. Happy pi day.

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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how do you kill a black guy ? AIDS

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Yo mama's so fat that when she goes into a clothing store, she often feels self-conscious about having to buy larger than average clothing sizes than most people.

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Why does Amy leave Dan? Dan gets hit by a bus.

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Have you seen stevie wonders house? neither has he.

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How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

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Why didn't the Mexican dwarf eat his taco? Well, he actually started, but he had already had one earlier. So, he gave half to his friend who gladly accepted the free taco.

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What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

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Two boys go down stairs on christmas day. They fall and die.

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What did the milk bottle say to the other milk bottle? Nothing. Bottles can't talk you silly goose.

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what do you get when you have an albino black man, a lesbian middle eastern siamese twin of the female gender, a polygamist indian and a jewish native american? A very cultured and diversified posse of hostages. Take your pick.

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Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

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Did you hear the one about the streetlight? It only came on at night.

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Person 1: I'm really sleepy. Person 2: Then go to sleep.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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