A duck walked into a bar and said "ouch."

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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Why does an ostrich have such a long neck? Because its head is so far from its body.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.

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Roses are red, Here's something new. Violets are violet, Not f***ing blue.

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An englishman, a scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar together. They sit down at the bar, and the barman says, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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a black man walks into a shop for an interview....everyone gets afraid and hides behind there desk..when the black man wonders why they are scarred he says "I'm here for the interview"...they all tell him to leave because on his resume he put his name as john...they thought he was white....

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white or wheat? wheat please.

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Q: Why did the Creeper explode? A: Cause you invaded and took his land that was rightfully his. He's not the monster, You are!

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Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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Q: What do you call half of the worlds population of black people on the moon. A: Close enough.

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what is my catphrase nothing I am too good to have one

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U are with a jew a Christian and a muslim, you walk in chicken shop, thw lights close, and all of a sudden, hitler and a vampire pop up. Which one do you kill? The jew.

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How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb? One. They're people to you know...

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Q) Why did the Koala fall out of the tree A) Because it was dead!

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HEY!

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How do you stop the neighbors from calling the police when you play your music too loud? Kill them and use their bodies as noise insulation

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What's worst then leaving a public toilet when you just took a shit and the toilet is now clogged Realising that the maid was waiting for you to get out to clean the toilet...

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What do you call the offspring of an elephant? A baby elephant.

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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josh moran where your Bluetooth gone?

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hows your wife she died 7 years ago really mine too

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Q: Do you know what you can make when you have enough cents? A: Dollars

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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