A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Why did the man eat the turnip greens? Because he was morbidly obese, and needed to maintain a proper diet.

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What did the young Muslim man have attached to him? A book-bag, it was is his first week college and he eager for an education.

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Q: why was the gay guy sad A: Becasue he was stright.

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One day little billy was wandering happily through the forest.He then trips and his legs disintegrate

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Why couldn't Timmy enjoy his ice cream? His lips were sewn together by an evil seamstress who was mad that he stole all of her Pop-Tarts

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What do you call a black man in church? Religious

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died.

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Roses are red, and many other colors too.

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What could be happier than a fat guy eating 20 pies? The guy he bought it from!

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What hurts like hell? HELL

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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What did one muffin in an oven say to another muffin? Nothing, muffins are inanimate objects thus incapable of sppech.

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what do kids take their lunch in to school. that depends if they buy lunch at school... otherwise they bring it in a lunchbox...

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What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? Thousands of years of different evolutionary tracks resulting from different climates and available food sources.

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What did the boy with cancer get for his birthday? Roses on his tombstone.

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So a blond, a brunette, a ninja, a pirate, a priest, a rabbi, a mathematician and an engineer all walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What, is this some kind of joke?"

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What's gay and Jewish? Henry Shine

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Say the line below all very fast to get sudden strange sensation... Magic-ish. I like to find threes and peel of their... BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK... ...BARKBARK BARK BARK BARK BARK! Done? Now sit Down, have a little treat Good boy/girl! :Look well at the sun, the jagged Blackness will consume all, Your little star forever but a ever fading memory.

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Why was the cat meowing really loud? It was on fire. Why did the cat suddenly stop meowing? It died.

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Yo Momma So Fat!

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What is the defference between Obama and an American? Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.

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what happened when spongebob and Patrick were mean to sandy? she made a hurricane

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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