What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If you are reading this you are a nerd

thumb_up thumb_down -11

why did bob eat the cookie? because he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a black hitch hiker: stranded

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I can't believe they been together for 16 years!! Who? Deez Nutz!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Boy: Hey girl, the voices in my head tole me to come over and talk to you. Girl: ... *walks away*

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Oh look, a dead guy. He must have died

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do bluejays and cardinals have in common? They both Were born during the Medevil period.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

whats the strongest muscle the man who can't talk has. definatly not his mouth

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man is at the doctor's office and the doctor says to the man: "I'm sorry sir, you have AIDS and Alzheimer's disease." The man says: "Well, at least I don't have AIDS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what did eric foreman get for christmas? a foot in his ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Lololol

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats funny about a guy with no legs? I bought him a wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what did the blond say to his mother?? Nothing. He is deaf and has to use sign language.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When life gives you lemons, you go to a therapist and seek help because your dementia has progressed to the point that you are seeing and feeling illusions.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Ask me if I'm a carrot Are you a carrot? No

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A father and son are involved in a car crash. The father is killed, sadly, but the boy is rushed to the hospital. The doctor prepares for surgery, and since this boy has no family-connections to her, she performs successful surgery on him, and the boy goes home after 3-5 days.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did one penguin say to the other? Flippty-flop-dop-boop-de-bop. Jazzhands.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A vet, so he/she can put it down.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A traveling salesman stops at a farmer's house. The farmer then offers the salesman a bed with his daughter. The salesman quickly replied, "I don't want to go to bed right now. I need to know the way to Pawtucket." The farmer then gave the salesman directions and the two parted ways.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Could not care less if he is jealous, too busy living it up, anyways thanks for notifying me, and guys, I know I could call up the office and tell you all that you wont get paid if you remain reading my comments, I might not be leading by example today, but I suggest you get back to work, as for the case whose name we do not reveal here, my part is done, yes I know, you can find it under cabinet C in my office, the thick file with the color pictures (the only one with color pictures) And that is why I am taking a break, now please get back to work, as I said I could just call down at every damn office room, but that would be unfair for those that are not on horsecrap network. Thanks people, keep the flag flying. Nero your overlord Fuck formalities, im not at work today.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why couldn't the blond get into the library? Because the library was closed therefore the door was locked.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why couldn't Jimmy run in the track race? Because he has been paralyzed since he was 3, due to a horrible accident

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops