Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? You don't. You just shut up and listen.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what do eagles and chetos have in common....... they both can fly except for the chetos

thumb_up thumb_down -12

You know what's worse than having a terrible boss? Being unemployed.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

whats the differnece between a bag of dead babies and a ferarri? nothing ill never have either

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

An Italian, a Mexican, and an American are eating lunch on a bridge. The Mexican drops his taco off the side of the bridge and the Italian and American were kind enough to share some of their lunch with the Mexican making it a successful picnic. Their ethnicity was not relevent at all.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why didn't the little boy wake up today? Because he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What's up? Up Adverb: Toward the sky or a higher position. Preposition: From a lower to a higher point on (something); upward along: "I climbed up a flight of steps". Adjective: Directed or moving toward a higher place or position: "the up escalator". Noun: A period of good fortune. Verb: Do something abruptly or boldly: "she upped and left him". Synonyms: adverb. upward - upwards - aloft - above - upstairs - overhead preposition. on - upon - over - along - with adjective. rising noun. ascent - rise - upgrade verb. raise - enhance - increase - lift - rise

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q Whats the difference between a pich fork with watermelons and a pitch for with dead babies stuck on. A The pitchfork with the dead babies were severly shot in the kidneys and then the heart. Blake

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Mommy how come daddy went to the doctors today? Well sweetie, honestly daddy wanted me to shove things up his ass And I refused to so he went to the doctors so they can do it...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Yo mama is so fat because she doesn't exercise and eats way too much calories. The reason fat people gain weight is because of low metabolism which means her body is not burning a lot of fat and instead is storing fat. A healthy life style such as playing sports, walking in a park, or eating healthy foods will benefit her from any medical complications in the future.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking play football? Because he's a nerd.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

a cop wrote most of these anti-jokes O.o

thumb_up thumb_down -12

roses are red hula is hula when i walk in cass i see a big tula

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A Japanese man, a Canadian man and a French woman walk into a bar. They do not converse because they don't speak the same language.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How do you get clean dishes? You wash them.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens have 2 legs

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Inspirational speaker: "You can judge a man by the way he treats those who can do nothing for him." Me: "Hitler loved dogs."

thumb_up thumb_down -12

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what did the boy with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? a new bike.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did lil' Jenny fall off the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what did the penguin use as a napkin? a napkin

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops