What do you call somebody with no arms or legs and they are stranded in the middle of the ocean? Answer: screwed

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Who is stupid and no one likes him. Me. :(

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then they probably won't hear the lumberjack's cries for help either.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why didn't the politically-correct lawyer laugh at his black neighbour's jokes? He had an incapacitating malady of oralfacialoaralysis rendering him unable to laugh or smile

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what happened when spongebob and Patrick were mean to sandy? she made a hurricane

thumb_up thumb_down +5

2 wales are at the bar one looks at the other and dose a wale call for 5 long minutes and the other one reply's "dude your drunk we got to go"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What's worse than ten babies tied to ten trees? A: One baby tied to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Knock Knock. Who's there? Come in! Come in who? I'm just com in' inside.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Yo mama is so fat that she has to eat low calorie foods because she wants to lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what did the African kid get for his birthday AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did Gary have severe learning difficulties? Because his mother drank a lot of alcohol while she was pregnant, and it harmed his development significantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

42

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you kill a beetle? Wait outside his apartment and shoot him

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What does Santa give to a naughty child who wants coal for Christmas? Nothing, Santa doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than being short? Being a Tutsi in 1994.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far from its body.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the Light turned green, indicating that it was a safe and appropriate time to cross

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's better than rape? Consensual sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Most poems rhyme, But his one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You can talk the talk - but can you walk the walk?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Kinky = using a feather Perverted = using the whole chicken Weird = using chicken bones Downright disgusting = all of the above, plus a cat

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops