If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This joke is pointless, microwave.

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Why would you kill a black man? Well, murderers have different motives, the most common of these are revenge or a psychological illness.

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A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

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Why was Jimmy so bad at jumping rope? His father's car ran over an IED back in 2009. Jimmy had lost his legs in a tragic explosion.

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Why was the little girl crying. Her dad wiped his bloody penis with her teddybear.

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You tell me. I have amnesia.

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What's similar between a black man and jelly babies? Nothing

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Why was Billy no mates? He had no friends.

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How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

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Johnny fell out of the window. Except he didn't fall I pushed him

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You know whats worse than an anti-joke? Practically Anything.

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Why wouldnt you want to hit a black man that is on a bike with your car? It mite be your bike

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What did Zeus say to Hades? Nothing. Both are mythological beings created by the Greek civilization to explain why many things in the world happened, mostly because of a lack of modern science.

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What is the difference between a Mexican and an a pile of crap? One is disgusting and unsanitary and the other is a pile of crap.

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Why did the Triceratops walk into a grocery store? To buy groceries

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Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

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Knock Knock Hold on Im pooping.

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What do you call someone with no arms, one leg,and an eye patch? names

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Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

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What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

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why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen, warning him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and other bad life consquences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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