Q:What did the turtle say to the jaguar? A: Well, a turtle and a jaguar live in totally different habitats, turtles live in water while jaguars live in grasslands, so it would be unlikely for them to cross paths and communicate. Turtles and jaguars are unable to speak and, if a jaguar were to talk to a turtle, the turtle would be unable to make out words because turtles can only pick up vibrations. And, they would have nothing to talk about.

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You see that dog over there with no tail? You know what that means, don't you? What? Someone cut it off.

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Some of these jokes are funny, others are sad.

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Okay, this is a real joke: A guy slips on a banana and falls down in the most funny way ever, so a girl nearby starts laughing when she suddenly realizes the guy is bleeding profoundly, so she runs over to help, but it turns out the blood was just ketchup so... Just then they both got run over and killed by a car.

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Knock-Knock Who's there? A giant spider-like insect that lays eggs in your brain which turn into larvae that drop down onto your tongue and eat your teeth slowly, then form a cocoon and turn into the spider-like insect spoken of previously. You then wake up from this terrible nightmare and get ready for your well paying job.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Back when seven was in Vietnam, he sufferd Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and constantly has flash backs and irrational thoughts of six being with the veitnamese alliance and tries to viciously molest six whenever he runs out of anxiety medication.

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What do you say to somebody that wont shut up Shut up!!!!

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Robert: wanna hear a joke? Robort:ok, shoot. Robert: *BANG!*

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Getting raped..

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What do you call a person that smells like shite and chases uglier girls than him? .. . . . . . . .. . . . . . Smelly McD the smelly cunt

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The diamond one below is hilarious.

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John has 37 candy bars and eats 36 of them? What does John have? Diabetes, John has Diabetes.

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What's funnier than British people ? Their tea in the Harbor

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Kevin and Ramin

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Why did the little girl walk into the wall? Because she was blind.

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Why didn't the chicken not get across the road? Cause it's head got shot off by some drunk asshole

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Once upon a time a was born

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what happens when Pinocchio says "My nose is growing"?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? because i was on the other side and we were going to catch a movie

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This one time, at band camp, I played the trumpet.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your mom. Your mom who? Its your mom now open the danm door!

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Paul walks on a bridge. It collapses.

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A man bought a white van, He later brutally molested a small boy.

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A black guy, a white guy, and an Asian guy walk into a library. They were getting help from the Asian guy on their math homework.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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