What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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A man and wife were having a vacation when suddenly the man falls to the floor and starts having a seizure. The woman screams "Oh my God, is there a doctor in the house?!" Then a doctor appears and helps the man with the appropriate method of handling a seizure. The doctor says everything is going to be okay.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse becomes depressed. He didn't ask to look like this. He drinks himself into a stupor, and then crashes into another car on the highway on the way home, killing a family of five. The horse is now in jail for life.

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Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be severely mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

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What did the salami say to the ham? Nothing; meat can not talk

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Women deserve equal rights.

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The Dark knight rises................. From the place he was before he rose.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The police, your father just died in a boat accident.

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Why did the man say "huh?" Because he didn't hear what they said.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, I have a retinal hemorrhage

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Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What's the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang up a painting.

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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You can pick you're friends, you can pick you're nose, but you can't run over a pedestrian.

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Hats better than a stick? A stone

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Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

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How do you blindfold a Chinese man? With a blindfold.

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Why did the Jewish man stop to pick up a quarter off the filthy street? He saw a homeless man begging on the street corner and thought that he could give him the spare change he found.

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what do you call a black guy with a nice car? most probably a rapper or professional athlete, however there is also a great chance that he is a doctor of philosophy and well educated.

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Why didn't the Mother packed her son's lunch? Because her son Timmy likes to go to the canteen

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hey guess what? what ur gay! how did you know ive been in the closet for 5 years!?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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