Why do alcoholics use brown bags? Because they are ashamed of what they have become and seek to repress their guilt by entering into denial.

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What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog.

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How do you kill a cripple? You bite its fucking face off

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What's the best part about the school burning down? All the children trapped inside never had to grow up

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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why did the chicken cross the road? i have no idea, i dont know what goes on in a chicken's brain. the better question would be why was a chicken loose in a city

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde got angry and called the cops, who proceeded to come and arrest him.

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What's green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A pool table

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What did Harry get for his Birthday? Nothing nobody likes Harry.

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What does a penguin and a watermelon have in common? They all come from Earth.

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Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

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Whats fast, dead and make of CGI. Paul Walker

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I wish there were a city named Sample. So that the sign can say "Urine Sample"

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what do you call a Nice Nazi A Nazi... He's still a Nazi.

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How did 6-year old dyslexic boy start his essay on soap? Sopa is shit...

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How do you know you're crazy? Consult the pink pheasent to your left

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

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Q: What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down? A: oh noo my tractor broke down.

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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Knock Knock Who's there? After no response, the man chuckled as he realized the sound of his TV mimicked that of his door knocker.

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Q: What's worse than finding out yor girlfriend is a guy? A: He had sex with your dad.

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Why was the uneducated black guy raped? To make this joke more risky and therefore funnier.

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Q: How do you stop a hobo from stealing your money A: You steal the hobo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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