Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was tired of this joke.

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What is the similarity between an elephant and a grape? Absolutely nothing. One is an animal, while the other is a fruit.

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Whats green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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what's worse than stubbing your toe? a hospital fire.

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what did the blond say to his mother?? Nothing. He is deaf and has to use sign language.

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(Knocks on Helen Keller's door) You: Knock knock Helen:....

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What did the Brontosaurus say to the Triceratops? Nothing. Neither of them have ever existed.

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You're tearing apart, Lisa!

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Knock knock, ... Little Timmy bursts into tears, Because his parents don't love him.

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Q.Whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? A. I don't were my cleats on my trampoline.

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How do black people vote? They go to their polling place, register, then vote for their candidate on election day.

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whats brown and has wings? a stick, i lied about the wings bit

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what's the difference between a dolphin and a ghost? dolphins aren't ghosts!!

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Why didnt the boy go to school? His mum threw a fridge at him!

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Brenda said she found a pill to stop the effects of aging! It was a cyanide pill, Brenda is dead.

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A mother is sitting with her son at the park. A nearby man suddenly breaks into uncontrollable coughing. The mother leans over to her son and whispers, 'Smoker's cough.' The son never takes up smoking.

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Why was 7 afraid of 8? Because 8 knifed 10.

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What's the best anti-pest control of all time???? The Holocaust.

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What's big, grey, and can't climb a tree? A car park.

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Have you ever treat woman like sandwich? Elephant and walrus said Jews are troubles. If six plus nine is five, chickens will eat you, saturdays.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Two guys walk into a bar, a spanish guy and a black guy. They get some drinks, call a taxi to arrive home safe. And kiss their wives and kids goodnight. They go to bed early after reading a wallstreet journal. And wake up early so they can both go to their jobs as college professors. To white kids.

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A man walks up to his boss and asks "Do you want to hear a funny joke?". His boss replied,"Yes". Before the man could finish his joke, his boss had a heart attack and died instantly. The next day, when he's in his car with his wife, he asks "You want to hear a joke?", the wife replied "Sure,". before the man could finish his joke, a car hit them and the wife died but the man happened to survive. The next day, he sat on a bench mourning, his friend walked up to him and asked, "Why are you sad?". the man answered, "Every time I try and tell a joke someone dies!", his friend said, "That's not true, just tell me the joke." "Ok" "Two Pigeons walk into a-". Before he can finish his joke his friends is kidnapped and killed. Sadly, the man walks to a ledge, jumps off and commits suicide. The End

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What is exceptionally dangerous? Shaving while taking a bath, because the risk of electrocution is extremely high.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops