What did the homeless man get for Christmas? He got many things, because everyone felt bad for him. Someone even brought him into their house so he could have Christmas dinner. On Christmas Day someone gave him fifty dollars to spend on food for his family. Only thing is, he didn't have a family.

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My girlfriend gave me her first ever blowjob last night. I came in her mouth and she washed it down with a can of Carling. Obviously she had to get that horrible taste out of her mouth, so she gave me another blowjob.

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What should you say when someone says a bad joke? I'm sorry, your joke cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and don't try again.

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How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

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why couldn't the girl make her bed? she is homeless.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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"I want a boyfriend for these cold winter nights" ... Shut up you slut go buy a blanket.

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"CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!" -Spongebob

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Why did the gay guy go in the bar? To find some hookers

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What did the statue say to the other statue? stat-you?

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What did the meteorologist say when there was tornado? There is a tornado 7 miles West of the station.

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Why don't black people ever defend themselves on anti jokes? Because black people are slaves.

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"I'm gonna fight fire with fire!" "won't you just get more fire?" "True..."

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Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

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Knock Knock Who's there? Bob Bob who? Your neighbor

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how old is god? i don't know thats why i'm asking you. by: Brennan pickrell

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My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Does this rag smell Like chloroform to you?

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Male leadership.

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Q: you wanna hear a joke? A: yeah sure. Q: well im not gnna.

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When life throws knives at you, run away.

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What happened to the baby in the microwave. I don't know I was too busy masturbating off to it in my clown suit

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Major League Soccer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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