What do you get when you combine a cat and a dog? A Cog

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What killed Hitler? His gas bill.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words can leave deep psychological wounds that may never heal.

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Q: How do you make an onion cry? A: You can't, it's an onion.

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Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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How did the baby survive the car accident? He didn't. He was killed on impact.

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A group of blondes rent a car and decide to drive to Disney World. Along the highway, they see a sign reading "Disney World left." They exit the highway, turn left, and enjoy their well-deserved vacation from practicing law.

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What's purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green. A rainbow .

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If Apple made a house, would it have Windows?

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So, there's a black man, an Asian man and an Irishman who are in a bar, politely discussing wether the Asian's phone would break if it was thrown from a plane in the Pacific Ocean. The black man says "Of course it would break." The Irishman says "I have no opinion on this..." The Asian man says "I think it would break, you are right John." Suddenly, a man enters.

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A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: Doctor B: Doctor who? A: Doctor Johnson, i'm here to check up on you. How's the medication going? B: It's going well thank you, it's working. A: That's very good to hear. Hope you recover soon. B: Thank you!

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How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue.

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What happened when the Mexican lays his head on a pillow? He falls asleep

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whos best at KS3 irish and is sexy? tiarnan i lied about the sexy part

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What did the caterpillar say to the robot? Nothing. Caterpillars do not have vocal chords and there are not, as yet, any truly portable robots capable of comprehending speech so to speak to one would be pointless.

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I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then I got stabbed.

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? Presents.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Well, a pizza is edible object provided for human consumption, and a jew is a holy human being believing in the prophet abraham.

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why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money, I forgot what happens right but it wasn't that funny anyway

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why did victor sell half of club getaway because he wants a partner why did david buy the half because victors dying

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How do you shock thomas eddison? Attatch his kite to his balls.

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Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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