A duck walks into a convient store and ask the cashier, "You got any bread?". The cashier immediatley responds, "No sorry, we don't sell bread." The next day the duck comes back and asks the same cashier, "You got any bread?" The cashier sighs and responds, "No, we still have no bread." After browsing for about three minutes the duck comes back and asks, "You have any bread?" The cashier, as pissed off as a beached whale, says, "NO! WE WILL NEVER GET ANY FRICKEN BREAD AND IF YOU ASK AGAIN I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THIS COUNTER!" The duck sways his head and looks to the ground, only to look right back at the cashier and ask, "You got any nails." The cashier says, "No." The duck comes back and says, "You got any bread?"

thumb_up thumb_down

My mates dad hasnt had a job in 20 years... its probably why there all homless outside my house.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the policeman say to the man robbing the bar? Stealing is wrong. Then the police read the man his Miranda laws.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Boy: Knock Knock! Girl: Who's there? Boy: It's me, John. Girl: Oh, come in!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what did one white man say to the other white man? hello!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's white and can't climb a tree? A fridge

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A blonde a red head and burrnett was on a island, heres there diolouge. Red:lets have a breast stroke race. bothe burnett and blonde:ok. The red head gets to the next island 1st and waits 2hrs,then the burnett comes up. Red:what took u so long? Burnett:i got hit by some waves.. they both wait weeks and weeks. the blonde comes . red and burnett: what took u long? Blonde:umm.... YOU GUYS CHEATED!! YOU USED UR HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? After hours of waiting for the perfect victim, the boy spotted an elderly woman walking down the sidewalk. The clock barreled through the air, hitting the old woman on the head at extremely high speeds. She was immediately killed on contact.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what happens when 15 babies cross the street? well, some may be hit by cars. others will have to face the harsh life of reality.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Well... My reputation is still kinda exaggerated apparently. What you experienced is called astral projection, some people claim it is the same as lucid dreaming, I beg to differ, the difference is vast. You basically just admitted that people believe much more in you, than you believe in yourself, without believing hypnosis does not work, people are like "bah its just suggestions", its true, but underestimating the power of suggestions is a pretty bad call.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Astyanax mexicanus, a subspecies of Mexican tetra that lives in a subterranean habitat and as such has structurally degenerate eyes that have atrophied over the course of evolution.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

There were three men in a race: Crap, Manners, and Shut Up. During the race, Crap fell and Manners stopped to pick him up, Shut Up kept on speeding. The police stopped him. Here is there converstation: Police 1: Whats your name? Shut Up: Shut Up Police 2: Wheres your manners? Shut Up: Back there picking up crap.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's worse than rain on your wedding day? You scheduling your wedding to be held on an aircraft carrier on december 7th 1941.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Justin Bieber walks into a bar. He is soon kicked out as he is underage.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's long and black? A black hockey stick.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Do't you just hate when a sentence doesn't end how you think it will and it just octopus.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Whats cold and can't climb trees? Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Who has two thumbs and is happy? This girl! You're a girl?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Sloths

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Guess what What

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did annie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms! Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Annie!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops