Why was the phone wearing glasses? It lost its contacts!

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Why did the guy stay up all night on the internet? because hes a fat ugly bastard with no life

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What did spongebob say to patrick? Im ready! im ready!

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How do you get your dog to give you a blow job? You have to force him.

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Roses are grey, violets are grey, everything is grey, i'm a dog.

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roses are red and violets are blue so is your mums fanny

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What do you call a person with no arms, legs, and teeth singing in the middle of the street while spinning? I don't know.

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A girl talks to here boyfriend about collage. What is his responce? Nothing. No one talks about college.

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Q. What do you do when you cross an elephant, and a soccer ball. A. That would never happen.

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yo momma so ugly that yo your birth certifiicate is an apology from thew condem factory

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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A chronic hemophilliac walks into a bar. He cuts himself and bleeds to death.

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Here's a riddle... A cowboy rides into town on saturday, stays for three days, and leaves on saturday... How does he do it? Well, you see he is a time bending magician who usually lives on a farm on Mars with his family of magicians. He is not really a cowboy but dresses like one to be like everyone else. He is heavily affected by peer pressure and has done a lot of dumb things just to impress his partners. His partners are big bullies and they have trouble being nice to Jimmy (The time-bending, space-living, cowboy-impersonating martian). His partners names are Bob and George. Oh right... I'm trailing off... Well, you see he is a time bending magician who usually lives on a farm on Mars with his family of magicians. He is not really a cowboy but dresses like one to be like everyone else. He is heavily affected by peer pressure and has done a lot of dumb things just to impress his partners. His partners are big bullies and they have trouble being nice to Jimmy (The time-bending, space-living, cowboy-impersonating martian). His partners names are Bob and George. Oh right... I'm trailing off... Well, you see he is a time bending magician who usually lives on a farm on Mars with his family of magicians. He is not really a cowboy but dresses like one to be like everyone else. He is heavily affected by peer pressure and has done a lot of dumb things just to impress his partners. His partners are big bullies and they have trouble being nice to Jimmy (The time-bending, space-living, cowboy-impersonating martian). His partners names are Bob and George. Oh right... I'm trailing off... OH... I'M DONE NOW...

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When's the worst time to use skin moisturizer? When you're a burn victim.

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Why did the doctor not make it to his appointment in time? Because he died in 9/11!

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Jennifer Kim... having a boyfriend!

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whats the difference between this joke and other jokes other jokes have a punch line

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Q: Why did Captain Kirk suck his own dick? A: Nobody else was around, I guess.

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- What do you call a black man who drives a bus? - An african american bus driver.

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What junk did she have in her trunk? Mcdonalds because shes fat as hell.

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What did the cow say to the chicken? - Muuuuhhhhhhhhh!

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Why was the black man sad? Because his wife and children had been killed in a freak car accident while he had been driving.

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Hi! This is Ms.McGruder you two boys in my office at 3:00 p.m. today

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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