what would you get if you combined a sixth grader with a machine gun? A homophobe

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T u r n i p s

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I was on Skype with a girl yesterday and she asked "Do you want to see something?" "No," I said "my mom's in the room and she might get a bad interpretation." "I really want you to see this." She said. " No, my mom's still in the room, she'll think I'm weird if you turn out the lights." "Darn I really wanted to see your glow in the dark snuggie."

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what do you call afish and a cat? a catfish

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Hey Jake can I use your lawnmower? Why Michael, so you can run over my cat like you did last night

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What do you do when its night time and you go downstairs and see your tv floating in the air? you say PUT IT DOWN N I G E R

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so 3 guys are a plane George W. Bush, a mexican, and a chinese man. the plane is going down because of too much weight they haave to throw things out. The mexcan throws out a suitcase full of tacos and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then the chinese throws out a suitcase full of rice and says "we have enough of this in out country" Then George W. Bush pushes the mexican out and says "we have to enough of these in out country."

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Why did 5 members of the Al-Qaeda walk into the bank? To make 5 seperate cash withdrawals

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A religion is like a penis. They are both nouns.

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Q. Why doesn't a woman need a wrist watch? A. Because they're actually becoming generally obsolete with the advent of the cell phone.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? A Holocaust in your apple.

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Me: What postion in baseball does a cat play? You: I don't know? What? Me: I don't know i haven't eaten that part yet.

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A man gets a paternity test. It's better than beating his wife senseless due to his own insecurity.

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How does a black man have sex? He inserts his penis into his partners vagina, then slides it out, then inserts it back in, and repeats this motion untill he has reached his climax and ejaculates!

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what did one dog say to his sex partner? woof woof

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Why is Obama Care a lie? Cuz he doesn't care!

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Whats the difference between a baby and a bowling ball? I dont have a bowling ball stapled to my tree

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Why was a white man mowing his lawn ? The lawn was getting undesirably long which provoked the white man.

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Knock Knock: I have full blown AIDS

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Why Did the man Commit suicide? His body used cellular respiration to make ATP (A form of energy) and his body used it to send electrical signals to his index finger to pull the trigger on his .357 Magnum, thus putting a bullet through the soft tissue in his brain causing his body to shut down Imediately!

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I have a really good knock knock joke. You start. Knock knock. Open the door see who it is and then slam the door in your face THE END

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a white man a black man and an asian man had a few drinks at a bar. they all died from alcohol poisoning

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Ron Paul for President!

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What did the owl say when it fell out of the tree? Nothing. Owls don't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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