whats long and black? a baton

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A guy takes out his club and hits a baby seal with a fine for $50 for littering and threatens to smash the seal's favorite ceramic figurine with the club if he doesn't pay the fine. The man is a park ranger and takes littering very seriously.

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What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? I'm sleeping with your wife

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What is the difference between my right hand and my left hand? I used my right hand to stab your mother.

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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Dr. I need a new butt, mine has a crack in it.

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A man named Jake walks into a bar. The bartender says hi jake... The End

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An anti-Semite, a Jew and an American walked into the bar. The barman said: "Hi, Sara".

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Why was the boy sad? A crazed drifter killed his family and made him watch.

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Killing people is not illegal just ask a soldier

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A plane crashed. The pilot was some sort of food, like a loaf of bread or a salad. Neither of which can fly a plane or do much of anything-- like get a plane to move in the first place, let alone take off.

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What's the difference between 10 dead baby's and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

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A horse walked into a bar. The bar was part of the fence he was enclosed by.

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i punched my mother in the face once she cried

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Why was everyone afraid of Nick Morton? Because he had AIDS

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Guess whats in my hand. Can you guess? A gun. Bam bam, you're dead. Haha

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wife: why are women's feet smaller husband: so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink

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Q. Where do all funny jokes come from? A. The people who made them up

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I was going to type an anti-joke but I totally forgot how it starts. It goes something like something something something something something your mom's a whore.

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How did Harry potter open the door? He had the key

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Two members of the KKK walk into the bar into a bar. The bartender asks, "what do you think of Obama?" One of the KKK members says "he is my President, I respect him."

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Q. How do you make time fly? A. It is highly impossible to make time fly for there is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute so therefore the time flows how it should and we do not have such power to do it even though many people claim they do when they know they really don't

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Yo momma so fat she couldn't even fit in a house

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Why the african children was sad? - Because an octopus bite his arm

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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