Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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Romney: I think you would raise our debt and make more Americans jobless. Obama: It's just cuz I'm black!

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Why does the same anti-jokes pop up over and over again? Because people have no creativity.

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How do you blind an Asian man You stab him six times in each eye socket and drop cyan pepper in his eye wound.

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YO MAMA'S SO , A STUPID, THAT SHE PUT 2 QUARTERS IN HER EARS AND THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS LISTENING TO FIFTY-CENT!!!

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Want to hear an anti-joke? Yes. Well I'm not going to tell you one.

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Why did the man die when he hugged the pillow? He was hallucinating at the grand canyon.

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Yo mama so fat, that she's even bigger than the universe!

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A blond, burnette, and red head walk into a bar. They sit together and enjoy a few drinks while catching up on eachother's lives.

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Q. what did voldemort get for christmas that harry potter didnt? A. dinner with his parents

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? "Justin Bieber" And you let him in because he's a young talented singer.

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Guy 1 : "I like your hat." Guy 2: "That's my hair, you moron."

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What's funnier than 24? Nothing, 24 is just a number. There's is nothing humorous about it. Go away.

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What does a black guy get for Christmas? Everything you own

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Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, hes allergic to it.

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Did you hear about that man who ate 17 cheeseburgers?! I didn't.

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Why can't Helen Keller just kidding she's dead

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A Women is holding a piece of paper with her rights what is she holding a grocery list

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Why does Santa live in the north pole? Because his spicy body fat keeps him warm.

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What do you get when you mate a rhino with an elephant? Nothing. This mating cannot produce offspring.

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Why did the chiken cross the road? To bite a rubarb stick.

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human centipede

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my wifes star sign is cancer, kinda ironic how she died really..... she got eaten by a giant crab.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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