Jon walked into a bar. Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red violets are blue im a schizophrenic and i am too.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

knock knock who's there? Police oh shit

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is black, white, and red all over? Rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you get a black guy out of a tree? hit him in the head with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Two guys walk into a bar, have a good time, and exit the bar, relatively sober. They are driven home by a friend who agreed to be the designated drive for safety purposes and enjoy the rest of the evening with their wives, to whom they are happily married. Then the joke ends abruptly.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Ever heard nobobys perfect well ill name my kid nobody therefore he will perfect

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a baby with a shadow? A shadow-baby!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man I just flew in from Pittsburgh...Boy are the people ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why were 5 tall white guys sitting on a bench? They were in the NBA

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happens when you turn 70? You have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it. What happens when you turn 71? You still have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why couldn't the child with down syndrome zip up their jacket.... it was a button jacket ... you asshole

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why is meth so addicting? Why? Hang on, i gotta go do some meth

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why doesn't Helen Keller know how to drive? because she's a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

#Last Christmas I gave you my heart #And as far as I know #The transplant was a complete sucess #And you have recovered from your operation #And are now well again #This year to save me from tears #I'll donate my kidneys

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the little girl miss 7 straight days of school? She died.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Gotta disappoint you there, you see there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar organizations which work for the government, and those I work for are black ops, meaning that I would be putting my life in danger if I told you anything about it besides that fact. Its not listed anywhere, its not FBI, its not legislated by any government yet many governments invest their funds there, you could call it something like the interpool, and something like the underground society, except its multi-government driven... A term I sincerely do not fully understand myself, I have certain talents I put to use, but I lack the education in order to be more than a employee for these people.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? Hurricane Irene.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats worse than the Holacaust? Stepping on damn Lego's. MrBounty44

thumb_up thumb_down +7

"How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door." "How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door." "The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which one?" "The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator." "There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat." "You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you get when you cross a vampire and Adolf Hitler? A socially unacceptable and awkward hybrid of two unrelated, technically dead things.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops