it smells like up dog in here. whats that?

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I would like a rum and............ Coke." The bartender asks, curiously, "What's up with the big pause?" The bear looks down at his paws, embarrassed, and mumbles under his breath, "social anxiety."

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Q- what do you call a Jew swimming in the Antarctic? A- Dead, any man wouldn't survive swimming in water that cold

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what cuts the grass on christmas eve and lives in mexico? JP I lied about Mexico jackin it in san diego

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Your mother is so fat that if she were to fall from a great height she would hit the ground with more force than that of an average sized individual.

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what do an elephant and a mouse have in common? nothing

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why did the chicken cross the road? it accidentally got out of it's pen. the farmer got very mad at the chicken for getting out, and very vicous-like, yelled at the chicken, causing it to get scared, and run to the other side. and that, is why the chicken crossed the road.

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A Muslim, a Buddhist, and a Christian are on a plain. They have to jump off for some reason. The Muslim straps a bomb to his chest, jumps out of the plain, and screams "AHLA AKBAH"!!!! The Buddhist jumps out and says save me heavenly Buddha. A giant golden hand catches him and lightly places him on land. The Christian says "aw hell with this" and jumps out, then says "save me heavenly Buddha". The giant golden hand places him down gently on land. The Christian then says "thank god". The giant golden hand comes back down and kills him.

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What do you get if you cross a football with Theo Walcott? A goal kick.

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What's white and can't climb a tree? A fridge

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Why did the sperm cross the road? It didn't, as sperm cells have tails not legs, and are therefore incapable of crossing roads.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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I like my coffee like my women. Without a penis.

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whats worse than the holocaust ? ms.brinkmann? noo close....a black guy trying toget a job.

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Yes, are you on a horse? No. Oh...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I forgot the rest, Don't laugh at me...

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What did the tiger say to the monkey? Nothing really, just a lot of growls and other sounds as he consumed it.

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What do you call two Muslims flying an airplane? Pilots

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Why did Billy fall off the slide? Someone threw a refridgerator at his face.

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run farther?

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What did the farmer say when he finally found his tractor? 'Where's my tractor?'

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Your name is Fired, your Boss comes up to you and says "Your Fired" You say "I know my name." Your boss gets mad and throws you in a chimney

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What do you call a fat guy? A fata*s mothaf*cka

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That akward moment when you tell a person you like them and they don't respond.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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