What do you get when you mix a baby and chemical waste? A bad smoothie.

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Why are you bored? because fungus grows in your eyeballs so you try to stab it out but you end up blind and dead lol

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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How did the man die? A gorilla raped him

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How do you confuse a chicken? Paint yourself black and throw seeds at it.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Penguin. Penguin who? The penguin who apparently lives next door and somehow developed the ability to successfully interact with other species through gesture and retoric.

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Whats the difference of a pile of dead babys and a lambrogini? One of them is not inside of my garage.

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True or fales? Eddie Izzard.

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What’s the best part about knowing things no one else does? Nothing. I’m schizophrenic and can’t afford medication.

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the economy.

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what is Stephen Hawking's condom brand called? Anti-Virus

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Hey, guess what. What? ... Hello? Sorry, I don't talk to strangers.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where did my tractor go.

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hello what is this crazy nonsense site sl

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A girl asks her best friends: Why are you only wearing one earring? The best friends replies: Because I took the other one out.

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how do you complete an exam. dont be kaizen.

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Why did the man wear a mask He had low self-esteem, and was ashamed of his facial appearance

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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? ProtestS from Anti GM activists.

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A man was complaining about not getting enough sleep. He was then raped.

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A man is on his way home from a business trip and walks into his house. He is quite as to not wake up his wife or kids. He gets to the bedroom to find his wife in bed with the neighbor. He is shocked at what he came home to and decides to file for divorce. She was a stay at home mom and loses everything because of the divorce. The man woke up from his horrible nightmare and kissed his wife on the cheek. She has always been faithful. He decides to tell her about the dream and, for insurance, emphasizes the part where she loses everything in the divorce. They happily live out the rest of their lives together.

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a blond makes out with ron every sunday and she stops every time to remember that she put the cheese in the wrong compartment brick house cheese is sad!

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Why did the chicken cross the road. He didn't, this joke gets old really fast

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? A Ferrari was never alive.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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